Shoot me already... please
Last night sucked hell... Everything sucks hell. Especially my damn life. Last night I was as depressed as a sick duck or whatever. I stayed up and finished this book I baught (it was very good btw) and then I couldn't sleep. So I layed in bed as my mind wondered about stuff. So I started thinking about Washington and Paige and stuff. Me and paige don't talk much on msn... I didnt call Sunday either. (sometimes I really think I get on her nerves) I mean thats the last thing I want to do. But you see what if my "move" changes everything. Shes the closest thing to a best friends Ive ever had. I dont want to screw it up. (even though I almost did when I went out with her...) Im such a dumbass...
I know it doesn't sound like anything but I hate it. I hate living here. Why? Only one reason why... its because Paige doesn't live here. If I never met Paige I'd love it here. I have REAL friends here. Who don't care what I wear, What I do, anything. I mean sure I had friends in washington who did that also... but only maybe 3 or so. Everyone else was just a bunch of shit. I found out last day of school how much people played with me. Pretended to be my god-damn friend. Why? I dont know ask them... then you could tell me. That day I cried... knowing Ill be leaving my real friends and knowing most of my life was a fucking Lie.
Everytime they say... I love you Macy! Or... say Ill always be there. Worst yet... everytime me moving got braught up they would always say how much they would miss me... how much they were going to cry when they see me leave. You know what happened when I left? They didn't do shit... They didnt fucking do shit....
The good thing is Sara wasn't mad at me anymore. Me Sara and Ashley were in a huddle. Saying how much us three would always be together. (back in Elm. we were like the threemusketters) always getting in trouble together... everything... I was happy. Then Sara found out I was bi. Yeah... shes freaked out... I cant blame here. Its not like Im normal. Though Ashley doesnt care. The thing that sucks about Sara is that i called her for her birthday. She never called back... why? probably doesnt want to talk to a bi-sexual asshole like me. I realized, since I moved here, Im way more comfortable here... In washington I worried about how I "presented" myself... Now I can be myself. And I love that. I was only like that when I was around Paige, Melissa, Ashlyn, Lindsay, etc... otherwise I was... you kow... Just there. Not talking. Not me. People eve discribed me as being a quiet person. Not hyper. No nothing. Just there.
My other friends couldnt believe they said that. When Im around people Im comfortable around Im anything but Quiet. I love my friends here. We have a lot of stuff in common and stuff... Im glad leaving washington opened my eyes... But me, being a soft hearted bitch, still miss them. Even though they lied to me... We still had memories... I grew up with them... I miss them so much... why?.... I dont know.... But once you find out.... Please tell me.... Before I whip the knife out...
Posted at 02:14 pm by DeadPoetic
