>>Painted Roses<<
{Self Portrait}

Name: Macy Aviles
Birthday: 09/03/90
Misc: Im Bi and full Filipino.
Contact: kix_ass_azn911@hotmail.com (msn and email)

[--GOOD--] [JTHM] [Invader Zim] [Other Jhonen Works] [Sushi] [Poetry] [Writing] [Drawing] [Music] [Blading] [Rice] [Friends] [Lolllipops] [Squishy's] [Animals] [Freedom] [Limaids] [Anime] [Asian Pride] [etc...]

[--BAD--] [Clowns] [Weird, Slow Carnival Music] [Country Music] [Dolls] [Torture] [Big Houses at Night] [Screaming] [Arguing] [Friends Fighting] [Placing a Burden on Someone] [Guns] [Racism] [Hurting Friends] [Lying] [etc...]








Neko

"We're told to accept the fact that life goes on, and nothing is forever. NOTHING. But I don't want to accept this!! I dont want to see it all as just a dead thing before it dies!! I had something! I had something beautiful!! The world still spun around in all its arbitrary fury, but I HAD something to hold tight to! Something beautiful!! AND I FUCKED IT UP!!! I did EXACTLY what I NEVER wanted to do!! I turned it into something cold and weary!! Now, screaming in fear, I hold tighter and it squirms away, pushing me off!! And the faster I run to catch it, to hold it, the faster it runs away, the more it recoils from my touch. Dreaming of a world that has stopped dreaming of me. Going away, driven by the more desirable idea of new dreams. And I dont seem to be accepting
it. AND I DON'T WANT TO ACCEPT! I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO LOSING THE FEW THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL!!! I SAW THE FILTH! BUT I HAD SOMETHING! And the noise in my head with all its voices repeats ONE thing, incessantly, more than anything else -"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't let go of me now. Dream of me. Don't let me wake up. But I know that it is only noise...something...
beautiful..." -Nny


   

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Saturday, October 16, 2004
Dear Me,

Hello, me how are you doing? I bet you can't wait til tonight huh? They way you seem to always get in my head and control me. Its like your an abusive boyfriend. I just wanted to let you know I Hate You. I wish you could just leave me alone. You push me all the time, make me do all these things I never would do. You make me cut you make me... think of getting that gun. One night, when I'm crying all alone, could you please and try and not taunt me? Over and over you tell me my mistakes. Why?! Why do you want to make my life and living hell? Is it because... You want me to leave. Well I wont! I wont let you take the fuck over. Ive let you many times... which never ended up good.

Sometimes I think your too strong for me. I even believe you sometimes. You were with me since I was a little kid... when my parents would yell at me. Maybe I listened because you were the only one that would talk to me. I had no one but you. But now... look what you've made me! A depressed insane asshole. I see you laughing at me. But no, Im the one laughing at you. One day, you won't be able to laugh at me, to tear me apart. I've searched and searched for an enemy and I found it. myself....

Love,
Macy


Posted at 11:48 am by DeadPoetic

 

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