Neko

Well... I finally got my lazy ass to updating. Since I last did this I was going to ramble on about Cooper's Halloween party I went to last week. You know what! It succckkkkeeddddd. No one even danced! They all sat around watching a movie or talking outside. I mean there were tons of people there. Geeez... But hey Salley and Leanna kissed so I guess they had a good time. =p

Another thing. Paige broke up with Jeff for real this time. Im kinda happy. I didnt really like Jeff... He was nice and all but he could get mean... I dont think he can control his anger. He can be a really really awesome guy though... I feel bad for him. But he would make sexists comments on how much "females" have hurt him. He can get over that because apparently hes the ONLY one going through shitty problems. Which pisses me off. He thinks he's the only one in the world going through hard times. Well.... you know what?! I know people how have gone through worse and are still sane dammmit! But I guess people have differences and different tolerant levels.

About me being happy about this... (wow I sound like a bitch saying that) I really really really love Paige. You cant imagine... Yeah that sounded to cliched but my god is it true! I think about her all the time. I can't wait til I can see her again. A couple days ago (before she broke up with Jeff) I kinda told her that I was "over someone" and I think she knew who I ment. I said that because... well... so we could just be friends. I dont know... This whole thing is sooo confusing. I just wish she was here.

Oh Sam's going out with my friend Leslie! Its really kool! Though he got on me for "gay flirting" with her. Oh cmon I was just joking! Leslie's straight anyway. Besides I flirt shamlessly on accident sometimes... ok a lot of times... >.>;

Come to think of it Paige is probably the only person I'd do anything with. Hell I really have nothing to hide from her. Ill be sure to put what happens here next time we see each other. Wont that be interesting?

Til next time bloggy.

Omfg! The party was so fucking awesome! I got some tongue and a lap dance so Im happy! lol Ok lemme tell you all about it...

Ok so Sam and I get to the party (I took him since we live close and stuff) and Salley and Candy were there already. So we were downstairs just messing around with the fog machine and this blinker light thing. We had Tatu on. So we were just messing around dancing and stuff. Then uhh... Juan showed up and then Misty then Bridget and her sister (whos one year younger then us) So we all start dirty dancing. There was going to be more ppl but the high schoolers had a party to go to instead. (fuckers, but oh well one had a good reason and that effected it) Salley's girlfriend was suppose to go but she couldnt (the high skooler) her mom wouldnt let her go cuz Salley was there and so the other high schoolers didnt go either. So Salley was on the phone with her for a minutes. So we were all dancing (rather sexy... ok very sexy) and Me Salley and Misty start rolling around the floor on each other. First it was me and Misty becuz we were dancing but she started ticklign me and both fell and Salley joined us. So we were all dancing fooling around. And then I was sitting on the couch and Misty comes and sits on me. And Sam was like Make out make out! We both laugh and she puts her hand over my mouth and starts kissing her hand. lmao. and we both laugh again.

Then we all decided we were going to make a bon-fire. So we all go outside and sit around her awesumly awesum tree house(leanna'a) and have marshmellows and stuff. So we were all just singing random crap and messing around.

Oh! I forgot before we went outside Leanna and Bridget start doing this lil skit they put together. (something that was related to reno 911) so while they did that I sat on Misty's back and gave her a back masuage. And then she gave me one. My god! Shes fucking good! XD It was the best masuage ive ever gotten! lol THEN we go outside lol.

Ok so after we did the whole hang out outside we all go back inside and dance more. But even more sexy! Leanna was on the couch and said she wanted a lap dance. So Salley gave her one. Then I gave her one then late ron Bridget gave her one. Then Salley gave me one and I gave Salley one. Oh! and I think Misty gave Leanna one also. So we all kinda laugh that off and just start dancing again. So me and Misty are dancing and we both fall on teh couch. I was on her lap on top of her. And I start giving her a lap dance. And sams liek make out make out! Again so I put my hand over her mouth and kiss it lmoa. So I continue the lap dance and then I was like "Ok time for the real thing) and we start making out! It wasnt long though =p. But hey I was happy with it. So we all just continue dancing. Oh! and right after I gave Salley a lap dance I took the Sprite bottle and I poored some on her stomach and I lick it off. (closest thing to body shots I can get to right now -_-) so we all start dancing and stuff.

Oh and at the party I taught Sam how to dance lol. Hes like IM PIMP NOW! haha. and sometime in the party Leanna's mom came down and started dancing with us! lmao her mom is awesum! She did our lil walk dance. Its liek you walk 3 steps and then you kidna shake your hair around and go down with your ass and come back up. Its kidna hard to explain but itw as awesum lmao. And right when It ended we all just sat on the porch talking about random stuff. lol We all swore that it wouldnt get out of that room. But I think my blog is ok to tell it to. Just promise not to tell...

God dammit... Im such a loser and a crappy ass friend. I cant even help Paige when shes going through things... Shes thinking about breaking up with Jeff but she still doesnt know... So she comes to me and I dont know what to do. God... I cant do anything right... She helps me all the time... and what can I do? Nothing...

I AM 48% SKA! I know the scene, I've heard the bands, and I am burned out. Well, these things happen. I will now go ahead and go through the same thing with Punk and Emo. Take the SKA test at Fuali.com

I AM 45% GRUNGE! What's this? The longest I've been without a shower is three days? Not even close, man. I should go sit out in the rain for a week. Take the GRUNGE test at Fuali.com

I AM 64% PUNK ROCK! The intelligent punk. Tuff and Smart. I may be able to maintain a train of thought long enough... What the fuck was I talking about? Take the PUNK ROCK test at Fuali.com

I AM 66% EVIL GENIUS! Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings. Take the EVIL GENIUS test at Fuali.com

I AM 73% RAVER! I may not be freaky like those Candy Kids, but I do know how to party. I am well connected in the scene, but may be getting a little tired of it. Take the RAVER test at Fuali.com

I AM 44% METAL HEAD! Most other metal-heads acknowledge my presence, but they laugh at me behind my back. Maybe I need to stop spending all that money on haircuts and invest in a few Pantera T-shirts. Take the METAL HEAD test at Fuali.com

I AM 40% GOTH! Goth ny night, normal by day. Deep in my heart I know I am evil, but not on the company's time. I do need to eat. Take the GOTH test at Fuali.com

I AM 23% GEEK! I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear Take the GEEK test at Fuali.com

Wish I was a geek?... hahaha =p

I AM 77% TORTURED ARTIST! Angst, and bitter resentment drive me to create works that not a single idot will ever come close to grasping. Ah, the raw and unforgiving statements that bleed from my soul are so misunderstood. Take the TORTURED ARTIST test at Fuali.com

I AM 59% EMO! Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater. Take the EMO test at Fuali.com

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Last night was a little school dance of ours. I just got home. It wasnt as good as I hoped. Itw as ok none the less. Salley and I were dancing. You dont know how much I just wanted go up to her and just start making out. But yea didnt happen. We are both still going through all the mess breaking up does to you. In every slow song we would kinda dance. You know kinda close but still a distance away. Because we both know we still have someone we love. So I geuss us dancing was just a way to be there for each other. Im glad me and Salley have gotten so close. I dont want our friendship to get too serious though... I bet your thinking, "but you just said you wanted to make-out with her?" well.. I dont know... I can't read my feelings. Besides Im not the person to make the first move anyway. *sigh*... All I thought about was Paige. I wish she was there... oh well... its not like we were going to do anything. She does have a boyfriend... man... a lot of my friends got hooked up too. So us "singles" just hung low. These two slow songs came up (one right after another) I think it was.... "Broken" and this other one. Man I felt... I dunno... I guess I almost started crying... Arg! Things are so fucking confusing...

People have started asking me if I was gay. I dont know what to tell them you know. If my parents ever find out (yeah they dont know...) I dont know what Im going to do... Shit, my life is sinking by the second...

I wrote these for her

Sweet Angel
that day you left me
replying over and over
that overwelming slow torture
this love I cannot forget

help me, sweet angel
heal my wounds
bleeding from my heart

angel please dont cry for me
please dont pitty me
all I want is you kiss
holding me lightly

hold you tears, hold your tears
Ill wait for your return
for eternity and more

hoping youll come back to me
sit back
and let me kiss you gently

Let Go
I told a friend
that I cant do it
I cant go back to the past
and try and start over

so I'll ignore this pain
and push her away

slowly I told you...
I was ok. Its ok.. it was ment to be this way
but all I wanted was to hold you and say
stay with me oh baby stay with me

I faught the urge to cry for you
fearing you wont shed a tear
so I'll ignore this pain
and push you away

night after night
I dream this dream of you
ending in tears and nightmares
why cant I let you go?!

Oh God! why cant I stop crying
why cant I stop hurting
why cant I stop living, oh God...

lighty, lighty I whisper your name
over and over...
so I'll ignore this pain
and push her away

bringing this gun to my head
I'll scream until my eyes bleed
just for everyone to know my pain
why cant I let you go...